"00:00" ( The Midnight Missing of a Lover- 3)

Tickling clock slowly-slowly playing its truth to let me know that today I missed her one more time. Fortunately or unfortunately I am still awake for this darkness into my own universe of emotions surrounded by our memories and thinking What if one more time? What if one more last time and my whole night passes in-between this only. Every night clock finishes its 24hours of scheduled journey and when it touches its end point of yesterday and starting point of tomorrow that is “00:00” the only thing I can think about is yuh. Forgetting the ruins of past, remembering all promise of mine whole day I try to resettle every broken pieces of mine but the moment night touches my doorstep I again find myself with scattered parts of me lying here and there on the floor of reality.

Everything I putted to settle this relation with all my hope is the every part of me which loves none other than yuh. Its hurting, yeah… its hurting too much, so much that even my tears are scared to come out. I wish someday I can make you understand this feelings but I know I cant.. Life is cruel but why I am happy about life is bcaz Love is beautiful and this life is taking yuh away from me. It’s really painful to see going away.. Every time you say “I also keep some hope, just caz anything can happen” it makes me think that You keeping this hope just caz of uncertainty of destiny or you got this hope just caz Yuh love me? I hardly listened this reason that’s mine/your love” you wanna be together, making excuses about family, society, my background, career is true, I do understand all rather I respect this reality more than our Love but why so scared, why making fuss about it. I never asked yuh to go against all nor will say ever because  if we wish, we can be together but this journey can’t be completed alone sometimes I need yuh to push me, sometime I need you to give me hope, I need yuh to give a bit of thought about our love, may be then it could have been a million step towards our endless journey of togetherness but…!!!

Every time you say sunny you are good, you are soft, you are care, you are special and I want you to be stay like this forever “Bhagwan Bholenath ki kassam, lagta hai aaj tak ki Zindgi safal ho gyi” but all these words are nothing new for me I know I am special and I do have a very big heart, so big that I can let you go for your happiness without shedding a painful tear.. That’s me, that’s Shubham Sunny and that’s his LOVE. But just because I can put salt upon my injuries that doesn’t mean I can’t feel pain. I am also Human Being, ‘Chot Mujhe v lagti hai aur Dard Mujhe v hota hai..!!’ Million Pieces of me breaking into million pieces again and so on to love you with its each part to surround you with all my love and care.

There were times I kept these feelings hidden from last seven years without showing you a bit of it. I knew you don’t love me, nor gonaa love me caz I am the common little boy and you are an angel, a princes but after meeting you I could not able to hold my emotions and showed yuh a bit, that time also I was scared enough that you may walk away by scolding me.. but kehte hain na sachhai sabko pasand hai, somehow my truth begged your attention and now I can proudly say ”she loves me too. My Barbie loves me too, may be little bit but that’s also comprising 90% of our 100% love” I can feel the truth in your eyes , purity in your words when you say “ I trust you more than anyone else, more then my Mom and DAD also”. Trust me Barbie I Trust all your words, I do understand your problem which is stopping you or holding you from showing your heart out. If I would have been at your place then I may had done same.. Believe me, I swear, Apni Kasam Kha Kar Kehta hoon.. Here I am not blaming you, neither I am complaining about it.. I am in ruin and right now I am just missing yuh, I am crying, the rain inside my heart is at par with this monsoon rains and I am finding none to protect me from drowning in this flood of emotions :( nor I can express and say all these to yuh. I respect you, I respect all your decisions but sometime its hurts badly to see you walking away :’(

I don’t wanna be broken heart again, It hurts it hurts badly to play that part. I know that you too do understands this and don’t wanna let it happen that part to be my reality.. There were times I loved you but I didn’t say caz I knew you would walk away from me but after I expressed it I am not finding that guts to let you go away… I wanna hold on, I wanna give everything , I wanna hold you, I wanna guard you inside my heart, I can’t think myself without you. You are just like lifesaving medicine for me without which I can’t survive a breath also. Don’t know why this always happens with me.. Why baby, why everybody resides in me, leaves me and go away.. why? Do I really deserve this… why?? :(
P.S-
Dear Barbie…  

Only thing which matters for me is your happiness and well being no matter its with or without me because I love You with my heart and soul. So, don’t ever go by my tears and swollen eyes.. Watch for my heart who is and will be always happy and smiling for your smile. Whenever this clock finish its whole journey at 00:00 my prayers and love  will always surround you and your happiness for next coming day and so on forever till my last breath, may be after this life too. Truly , Madly & Deeply in love with you..!!

your “Pagal”