Dear Diary ...that was my Best Diwali !!
It's been almost 6 months since I told you about my feelings like I used to do. I've been busy & keeping myself extra busy. Never got enough time to spend with you like I used to do in past. But today I feel like I’m missing someone with whom I can share something and like always you are my best choice ever for same.
Remember, once I told you about, I don't feel like burning crackers or lightning house on this Diwali. I know, I was rude or may be little bit of arrogance that time but I had my reason for that. Like every child I also needed to buy Firecrackers and burn them whole night like everyone else. That childhood not gonna come again but my Parents huh.. only 100 bucks for entire Diwali, Was that enough ? One packets of Mirchi patakha, One Fuljhari and one packet of Dulal Bomb. Was that really enough for whole night ? I was really Not satisfied so made displeased face in front of everyone. At least someone from family will buy me some more crackers but all remained in vain as all seemed to be busy with their own personal work, none gave a damn about my face. So the last person I knew who can fulfill my expectation was Mom. I slowly went to her with angry face and teary eyes just to do some emotional blackmailing.
She asked “What happened, why are you sad? didn't you purchased cracker ? Go enjoy, don't act like sad person. Its Diwali, comes once in a year, so smile and celebrate. Goddess Laxmi bless those who are satisfied and smiling but not who are sad and angry. So be calm and enjoy. Now let me do household work else I won't be able to finish it before evening.
I said “but Maa, How can I smile when I’m really sad and angry. Dad only gave 100 bucks to me? What I gonna buy from this. one packet of Fuljhari and one packet of Bomb. It will finish in an hour & what after that ? See all my cousin, neighbor people, they all bought 1000 bucks of cracker. All will celebrate whole night and I Simply gonna watch them from top roof . Does it look satisfying to you? How can I be happy with that ?” ( And I again made that Rondu face to emotionally blackmail her)
Mom replied “see beta, Is not it bad to compare self with everyone else? I agree that 100 bucks are too less for you in Diwali but You already know family's financial condition. If we had more we could have given you more. But sometime we have to compromise and remain satisfied with what we have. Even those 100 bucks were quite hard for us to see it burning at this financial stage. But It's Diwali, You deserve to be happy . We want you to be happy and celebrate because you are all we have and your smile matters”
But mama? only 100 rupees.. It's better you take this also. I don't want to buy anything and I don't want to celebrate. ( I again tried to blackmail her emotionally)
She said “Don't be sad, I can give you more 50 rupees but don't tell to your dad about it. He will be angry. And listen you are becoming too stubborn. I am giving you this time but you have to understand the meaning of contentment someday beta.
I said ok and grabbed the money from her hand. Finally I was little bit happy with an increment of 150% in my budget. I quickly ran to one neighborhood Bhaiya's Home , who was working as a staff at my Uncle's shop. I asked Him to help me in purchasing crackers. He nodded in yes. I asked him about himself and his 2 brothers. What about you, what you people gonna buy ?
He said “We dont burns crackers, wasting money in that is not affordable for us. We can eat twice a day, is also bit hard, so burning crackers is not making any sense.
“But what about your brothers?” ..I said (He just gave a strange look upon me.)
I didn't said anything or confronted after that. I was calculating what and how much I can buy in all 150/- about myself.
He said "wait for sometime, I’ll come in 20-30 minutes then I will take you to the shop and purchase all you want. So, if you wish you can stay here in my home, I will be coming soon.”
I waited with all mathematical calculations of what to buy and how much to buy. I seat there & looked at his brothers, One of them standing at gate and watching something outside. I went ahead and saw too. someone was burning one Dulal and Fuljhari. His brother was constantly watching it.
I asked him “what you gonna buy today ? Dulal's Sound is hilarious na? I gonna buy two packet of them this time. and explained about 'how I managed to get extra money from mom.”
He said, “we don't burn crackers, we just watch everyone.”
I looked at him. I just had a glimpsed of his eyes. I don't know, what happened that time. I sat on chair of living room. Something was going inside my mind now but not that firecracker calculation this time. As evening was approaching, I told him that ‘when Your brother come, tell him that I went alone to buy caz its getting late now’.
I went outside. purchased crackers. It was about 6-7 pm, I Slowly opened the door of neighborhood Bhaiya’s house and silently kept the packet of crackers at his home, so that no-one can see who kept this. It was not so difficult because all were busy in watching TV. I went back to my home.
It was approx 9pm, I was seating at top roof, watching glowing smoky sky, decorated house from Lights. It was pleasing then heard something, wait oh Mom calling.
"what happened, why seating here? why not burning crackers you bought? it's already nine, you gonna keep it for next year or what ? “ Mom said all in one sentence.
(I kept my mouth silent and was thinking about the excuse I can make now? )
“I burned them all mom. Its finished Mom”
Mom yelled “How careless you are? you burned it, so fast ? huh you are. what to say !!”
(I just gave her a anger look and kept watching other side. she went down. it was almost 2 hours I was sitting and watching all sudden heard the voice of someone’s footsteps.)
“What you doing here ? Let's go have food. you supposed to burn them one by one not all at one time. But wait your dad told me that He didn't hear or see you burning any crackers ? what happened? tell me exactly? Don't Lie? will you explain .. what happened?”
Mom I went to purchase , but lost money ! thats all. now go and have your dinner, I will have it later on. (I yelled at mom)
She came to me and told. “How could you be so careless, how can you drop it anywhere. you are so careless sunny. If your dad get to know, He will get angry. But why didn't you told me about that? I could have given you more money. You are supposed to tell me about it. Its really sad to see my son like this. It's late, I can't buy you now because all shops must have been closed by now. let's go have dinner. Don't be sad !! cammon .. have your dinner now next year I promise I will give you more to buy.”
I will take it after sometime mamma, don't yell at me I'm already sad. I will come after sometime. she hugged me and went downstairs.
I kept looking around everyone burning fire crackers. I saw in neighborhood Bhaiya's home. I saw them burning the fire-crackers which I kept secretly inside their home. All of them smiling all were happy, all of them were celebrating. I was satisfied and smiling, went downstairs for Dinner. I was Happy, I was Satisfied so definitely goddess Laxmi and Ganesa would bless me. hehe.
That was the First Diwali of my Life I didn't burn a single cracker and since then I’m continuing the same from last 11 years. Yeah, That's reason behind why I don't burn crackers on Diwali and why during evening You won't find me at home. But this time I am far away from that place, I miss my Diwali, I miss their Diwali.
P.S:- Dear diary, I have heard more spectacular stories on how Diwali is celebrated by everyone and everyone but that Diwali of 2004 is more extraordinary for me. I was happy, I was satisfied and deep down somewhere I lighten the candle of my soul. Hope mom gonna read this someday and forgive me for my Lie. :)
Happy Diwali All !!